The Plan

Angry. Worried. Scared. Overwhelmed. That's how I feel right now. I can't imagine how Dani feels. Today she met with her oncologist, Dr. Clemons. He went over details from her surgery as well as her treatment plan moving forward.

The tumour they removed from Dani's breast was 14.5 cm consuming 95% of her breast tissue. FOURTEEN POINT FIVE centimetres people!!! And that was just a blocked milk duct?? Fuck you Doctor who will remain unnamed but now if our paths ever cross you may not have any boobs left at the end of our visit.

Three of the nine lymph nodes they removed also had cancer. This part scares the shit out of me. You see, in all the research I've done - granted too much of it was online - when they find cancer in the lymph nodes it usually doesn't turn out well.

Clemons feels he got all of the tumour. It had not metastasized. Finally some good news.

Next steps in this journey through the Big C are chemo followed by radiation then tamoxifen. Dani is scheduled to have 6 rounds of chemo, one every 3 weeks. At this point they don't know how many radiation treatments.

Chemo scares the shit out of me. I KNOW it is one of the only treatments that kills cancer and prolongs life  but what it does to the healthy body blows my mind. Are the side-effects really worth it? Rhetorical question, I know the answer. But the possibility of endless vomiting, losing your finger and toe nails, suppression of the immune system, hair loss. I don't know, it just all seems too toxic.

Maybe it's time for Sarah to get off the internet. Go off grid. Ha! Like I would survive without twitter or my hair straightener.

While I am overwhelmed by all of this, I know I it's the fear of the unknown that is causing my anxiety. One step at a time. And vodka.