Fear

It's Sunday, December 30, 2012. The day before New Year's Eve and two days before the start of a new year. For many it's a time to celebrate with family and friends. I don't feel much like celebrating...at least not right now.

Today I sit here, like I did so many months ago, worried. Dani has a ct scan today. They are checking to see if the cancer is gone and if there are any side-effects from everything she has gone through.

When I started writing this blog, I vowed to be honest - to share my feelings openingly in hopes that others who are walking similar journeys know that it is OK to have these thoughts.

Today I am scared shitless. I am scared they are going to see something they don't like.  I am scared that the cancer is not gone. I am scared that her family is going to be put through this torture again. 

I don't want to think this way but it is where my thoughts take me. I want to be positive. But maybe this is my way of preparing for the worse. 

I am happy that James is with her today. It brings me some comfort.

Thinking of ya...xo